Lessons from "Trouble"

Yesterday, something happened in our family that most of you can appreciate.

It started yesterday morning. We went to Target to buy a birthday present for a birthday party that was planned for later in the afternoon. While at Target, in addition to buying the present for the party, we decided to buy a new game for our family. We chose "Trouble" with the pop-o-matic bubble - a classic, simple, and fun game.

As soon as we got home, the boys wanted to play - ALL the boys. And, it wasn't long before Jared brought out the true meaning of the game's name - TROUBLE, because he was in it.

Like his dad, he is a pretty competitive person, so when he couldn't pop the number "6" to release his pieces into play, he couldn't handle it. He started wiggin' out and crying. And, not just a normal whining cry, but the kind of cry that makes you think someone just died. Jared is an emotional kid, but this wasn't normal. I told him if he didn't calm down he couldn't play. He tried to compose himself by wiping his tears and stifling his cries. His turn came again - he popped a "2" and freaked out all over again. I sent him to his room.

Rowan and I kept playing, but I was still trying to figure out why Jared was acting so funny about the whole thing.

After about 5 minutes Jared came back downstairs. I told him he could have one more chance. His first turn - a "2." His lip quivered and his face reddened, but he held it in. His next turn - a "2." That was it - here we go again! I couldn't believe it. I almost think he couldn't either. He just couldn't help it. So, up to his room he went again, this time to Rowan's chorus of "Jawed is crwing wike a wittle baaaby! Ha, ha, ha..."

While Jared was up in his room pouting, I told him he wasn't allowed to go to the birthday party because of the way he was acting. I told him he needed to figure out how to fix his mess. That killed him.

Fast forward 10 minutes. He was back downstairs apologizing and doing the things that he knew he should be doing in order to get what he wanted - the party. But, it was the kind of apology any parent can related to - the "I'm only saying this because I know if I don't I can't go to the party" apology. Nope, not what I was looking for.

The party was to begin at 4:00, but Wendy was leaving early to help set up. So, around 3:15ish, Wendy was out the door with the other 2 kids and Jared was absolutely BEGGING to go with her. He was crying and begging as fervently as I have ever seen. He wanted to go so badly. And, it was actually really tough for me to resist giving in. But, I didn't. I just told him, "No, you can't go because you haven't fixed your mess. You need to think about why you are in trouble and how you can fix it."

Silence for the next 5 minutes. I watched him from the corner of my eye, and I could see his energy changing. As he slowed down and stepped back to think about, it seemed like he realized that his actions were unacceptable. And, I think he started to feel bad about the way he acted.

Finally, he just came over and sat by me. He said he was sorry for what he did, and this time I felt like he meant it. He never again asked to go to the party. He accepted the fact that he wasn't going and realized that it was his fault.

Jared wasn't the only one who learned a lot from this. For me, this was a profound experience. I learned something as a father, but I learned the most as a son.

At one point, while Jared was crying and begging me to go to the party, I said a little prayer, asking, "What should I do? How can I teach him something right now?" I immediately had a very distinct thought come to my mind:

"Is this how my Heavenly Father feels about me at times?" That one thought led me to this -

When I go through life, am I doing things for the right reason in the right spirit? In other words, do I really understand what I am to be doing and how I should be interacting with my Father in Heaven at the deepest levels? Or, am I just doing certain things because I know they are what I am suppose to do in order to get what I want - eternal life?

My testimony was strengthened regarding the following principle - Going through the motions is never sufficient or acceptable.

Just as I didn't accept Jared's attempt to go through the motions, my Heavenly Father can't accept my behavior when I am going through the motions. He cannot consecrate it. Sure, I may be saying my prayers morning and night. But, am I really participating at the level I know I need to in order to feel His spirit and direction? Yeah, I may be reading my scriptures everyday, and feeling the Spirit while I do so, but am I constantly seeking the Spirit while I am reading in order to learn what I need to learn? Am I fasting properly? Am I serving as well as I am capable? Am I sharing the gospel as much as I should?

I need to allow Him to teach me, and the only way that can happen is if I am completely honest in my intentions. Going through the motions isn't being honest with Him - this prevents him from being able to influence my life in a pure and profound way - that is why he can't accept us going through the motions. He simply CAN'T teach us unless our intentions are pure. Had I given in to Jared when he was begging, he would have learned the incorrect lesson. I would have led him down the wrong path. Heavenly Father's role as the is to guide us on Earth, and he won't accept anything less - so, He can't accept our intentions unless they are humble and pure. Otherwise, He would be leading us down the wrong path.

Just like Jared - when his energy changed and he was honest with himself about the situation, he was teachable. And, as badly as I wanted to give in, because I knew how important it was to him, I knew it wasn't in his best interest - not until he learned from it.

Our Father in Heaven KNOWS when our intentions are pure. Surely His love leads him to feel a delicate compassion for us when we are crying and begging, but he cannot give in until we learn how to sincerely bend to His will. Then, and only then, can He bless us with whatever we need.

It is my goal to constantly scrutinize my own behavior to make sure I am not going through the motions. I need to be completely honest with my Heavenly Father. Only then can I learn from Him.

I am grateful for a son on Earth and a Father in Heaven who both taught me this lesson.

And, Jared was able to make the party.